Dear Michael Bay

Michael Bay

 

I already know that you don’t care, but I’m going to write this anyway. You almost got me this weekend. I actually almost bought a ticket to go see Transformers: Age of Extinction, but I immediately started having flashbacks – the bad kind. I remembered how each of the Transformer movies got progressively worse as they go on. Oh, they looked gorgeous alright, but even the prettiest girl in the room can be the worst choice. I mean, Shia LaBeouf’s lines were so bad, I don’t necessarily blame him for going on the crazy tangent he’s on now.

I’m not even going to bring up the underutilized actors, spotty story lines and the explosions every five seconds. (No, literally). It’s been your bread and butter since you started with Bad Boys which I will give you. A clock is right at least once a day. Perhaps I’m being too tough on you. Perhaps movie goers have to take things at face value and stop looking for substance in places it shouldn’t be. Action movies are really supposed to appeal to our visionary senses where we are supposed to turn our brains off for two hours. Well, if it’s a Michael Bay movie, it almost three hours.  According to you, we’ll see it anyway right? For the most part, you are right. Age of Extinction made $100 million domestically this weekend taking the top gross for the summer thus far despise receiving abysmal reviews. You make your money and you win in the end.

Here’s why I concerned. Actually, a couple of reasons. See, there are action movies out there that can be part ascetically pleasing and have a story line that satisfying and not written by a three year old. Take a look at what Marvel is doing or the latest X-Men movie. Those type of movies combined beautiful special effects and a plot that engaged me. It’s why I will check in on their product and not go to because I don’t have anymore ideas for a date night. It perhaps speaks to a testament of the lazy attitude of Hollywood in general. There are a plethora of sequels and adaptations from books and lack of original content. I can’t forget the remakes – oh, how I loathe the remakes.

Speaking of remakes – how’s that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake coming along?  Despite the backlash of your original treatment making them “aliens”, by seeing the screenshots, Shredder looks like a metal Transformer. Not really sure that’s what you were going for. They are definitely two different franchises although I doubt you can tell the difference. I’m going to reserve judgment as this was my prime childhood cartoon

Now, I’m going to go because I don’t want to be subject to the temper tantrum you threw at E3. (real smooth man). Then again, there are so many bad reviews that you may not be able to keep up with them kind of like me when I’m trying to figure out a Michael Bay story arc. I enjoy the explosions, the explosions…did I mention the explosions? Eh, I have about three hours I don’t need, so I might go get lost in one of your movies just like your on an island. Wait, please do not put me through seeing The Island again.

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Author: Murjani Rawls View all posts by
Writer | Photographer | Beast

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