Telediction: Keeping up with the coven

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This week’s Telediction is all about “American Horror Story,” partly because there’s nothing else on TV, and partly because “Pretty Little Liars” is a huge pain to get into, and I’ve come to the point where I’m quitting that show.

Has that ever happened to you? You get absorbed into a series and forget all about it being on one of the “Big Three” cable networks because the plot is actually decent. Then, suddenly somewhere in the second season you start to get mixed emotions. You really want to believe it’s still a good show, but all evidence points to it being another “Gossip Girl,” and you cannot go 6 seasons of incestuous relationships, conveniently announced (lazy) parties, and meaningless plot-twists all over again. No.

This recently happened to me with “Revenge,” and it’s a shame because it really was an interesting story. Then networks come in and want to extend the life of a show to the point where they basically have a chokehold on writers and ruin a show.

“American Horror Story” is not one of these shows though. Technically each season is a miniseries. New stories with familiar faces keep things fresh and the theatre-company feel of the show makes it successful.

Before I get started on my review this week, I’d like to direct your attention to Vulture’s amazing review of the same episode, which merges plot synopsis with each of Beyoncé’s songs in her new visual album.


American Horror Story

“American Horror Story” returned this Wednesday with the promised appearance of Stevie Nicks, aka the White Witch. Nicks plays herself in season 3’s tenth episode, “The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks.” Unlike the title suggests, the episode had very little to do with the former Fleetwood Mac singer. In focus this week was the start of an unholy alliance between H.W.I.C. Fiona and Marie Laveau.

The sworn enemies are forced to come together in light of the events of last episode, where Cordelia’s husband, Hank, was revealed to be a witch hunter. He’s dead now – forced suicide by Queenie (whose health is still unknown) – but as Fiona said, witch hunters don’t act alone. She admonishes Cordelia for bringing a serious threat into their home and into their secrets. Mission accomplished Fiona, Cordelia now has the worthless feelings to accompany her loss of powers. But looking back, what exactly were Cordelia’s powers before she acquired “the Sight” after being blinded? Making potions? She can still do that – well, it’ll take a meth lab’s supply of equipment after she destroyed everything to the harmonious sounds of Myrtle’s Theremin (Seriously, WTF.). That might have been my favorite part in the entire episode. I found this mini Theremin kit on Think Geek for $39.99, and I’m seriously considering buying it. Theremins are instruments for douche bags though. I mean – the product description on the website literally reads “OooooooEEEEEEEEOooooooo!” While trying to console Cordelia, Myrtle gives her some bitchy life-advice.

“Your salad dressing is absolutely magical, maybe you could bottle it,” Myrtle says. “Cordelia’s Conjured Corriander Condiment.” Seriously though, I have to give Myrtle props on working in some first-class alliteration skills into her snobbery.

Let’s get back to Stevie for a second. Fiona seemed to bring her to the coven solely for the purpose of winning a $5 bet to make Misty faint on sight. Well, technically she stayed around to play “Rhiannon” and “Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You?”

We’re also introduced to a new character: Papa Legba. In Voodoo, Legba acts as a gatekeeper to the spirit world. He has red circle lenses and crackly skin. He wears a top hat with teeny Hot Topic skulls emblazoned on it, press-on pointed nails and charms people when he speaks. Marie Laveau sold her soul to Legba and gave away her newborn baby in exchange for immortality. Fiona wants in on this deal, but Laveau doesn’t tell her how to conjure him. “If you want him bad enough, he’ll hear you,” she says.  Turns out, all you need to offer the man is some quality blow.

Fiona is prepared to sell her soul to Legba, but a roadblock emerges.

“You have nothing to sell,” Legba says. Cue ominous music:

“You have no soul.”

This comes as a twisted relief to Fiona. She’s back to her original plan of killing the future supreme, but since she has no soul and still doesn’t know who that girl is, she vows to kill them all.

She starts off with Nan. Her death was a way to “kill two birds with one stone,” as Fiona said. Laveau’s yearly promise to Legba this year required her to kill an innocent so that Legba may have its soul. She steals a baby in the beginning of the episode, but feeling guilty, she finds a way around her chore by killing Nan instead. Nan’s powers were growing and she was able to mind-control and use telekinesis in this episode aside from her signature power. Similarly, Madison was able to do the same. Every young witch in the coven has displayed some extra power over the course of the season, so there’s really no telling who the supreme is.

For a while, it was thought to be Misty, but the only power she displayed (exceptionally well, by the way) was resurgence. Madison, the ever-jealous, takes her on a stroll with a New Orleans jazz funeral, shows off her growing powers and hits her on the head with a brick before placing her in a casket to be buried alive. This surely isn’t the last we’ll see of Misty, but I still don’t believe Madison is the next supreme. If anything I’d guess Zoe – not because she’s displayed a stellar acquirement of powers, but because I’ve watched enough TV to know that when someone is quiet for a long time, it’s usually because writers have something big planned for them.

What shows are you quitting this year? What’s your favorite Fleetwood Mac song? Can we talk about Beyoncé’s new album? Surfboard. Let’s continue this conversation. Comment or tweet me at @ClaudiaCMarina.

 

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Author: Claudia Marina View all posts by
Journalism student at the University of Florida. Sally Draper is my spirit animal. I love writing about TV and how it affects culture. Occasionally I watch bad TV, but reviews make it better.

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