Telediction: Pick a Season

Spring is by far my favorite TV season. I understand the hype behind fall TV and all the new shows that premiere and invariably get cancelled within a couple of episodes, but the spring season brings it with it the familiarity of some of the most dynamic shows on TV. I’m talking about “Game of Thrones,” of course, which returned last Sunday with its fourth season. I also can’t hold in my excitement much longer for “Mad Men,” which premieres tonight at 10 p.m. on AMC. This season also marks a full year of my writing for Dead Screen! I’m really giddy and excited; there must be something in the air. I’m not even bummed that I never bought that leopard print faux fur coat for the full two weeks of “winter” Florida experiences. Let’s take a little virtual vacation to Westeros where apparently winter hasn’t even arrived.

Game of Thrones

It’s only been a couple of weeks since “The Red Wedding” when we’re reacquainted with the “Game of Thrones” characters, and Tywin Lannister is already burning Rob Stark’s Valyrian-steel sword and wolf pelt to re-gift to his son, Jaime. It’s suitable that Daddy dearest welcomes his son home with some crafty hand-me-down because he actually doesn’t want his Jaime anywhere near King’s Landing. Loosing a hand while captive as a prisoner of war not only sucks for Jaime, but it’s downright embarrassing for Daddy and reduces Jaime’s favorite-son status to equal footing with his dwarf brother Tyrion.

His sister-lover Cercei has a golden hand made for him to cover his “stump,” but even that can’t get her back in the sack with him. Though it was hilarious to see Jaime call Cercei on her wino drinking habits, she tells him it’s too late. (It’s not psychological maturity that makes her reject advances toward incest; she moved on to screwing her cousin and is now destined to marry her gay son-in-law.)

The other Lannister, Tyrion, if you remember is was demoted from the king’s hand to the equivalent of your high school student government’s treasurer. It’s a title that doesn’t really mean anything but hey, a title nonetheless because little person or not, Tyrion is still a Lannister. Tyrion is waiting for the arrival of the Prince of Dorne, a special guest invited to his nephew, Lord Lemongrab’s (aka King Joffrey) royal wedding, but instead he get’s the prince’s brother, Prince Oberyn Martell, a sex-crazed, bon vivant with a thirst for revenge.

“The Lannister’s aren’t the only one who pay their debts,” Oberyn warns Tyrion.

Hold up, let’s track back on yet another vengeful side-plot that goes back to the beginning of Robert Baratheon’s ruling and connects to Daenerys Targaryen. To brush off the history behind how “A Song of Ice and Fire” all started, let’s go way back.

The white-haired Targaryen’s were the rightful royal family. The “Mad King,” Aerys Targaryn and his sister-wife, Rhaella, birthed three children, Dany, Viserys (her abusive brother from Season 1), and Rhaegar.

Rhaegar married Oberyn’s sister Elia Martell, and they had two children. His father was named the “Mad King,” because his reign was increasingly unpredictable, which I guess rubbed off on Rhaegar because he kidnapped Lyanna Stark of Winterfell, Ned Stark’s sister who was set to marry Robert Baratheon, for unknown reasons.

The kidnapping led Robert to start a rebellion alongside the other houses of the kingdom to get back his fiancée. Thus started a war and somewhere along Lyanna died unexpectedly. Rhaegar and Robert fought and Rhaegar died. Out of rage, the Sack of King’s Landing’s led Rob to overthrow the “Mad King” and seat himself on the Iron Throne. He did this with the help of the Lannisters, particularly the “King Slayer,” Jaime, who killed Aerys Targaryen when he wasn’t looking.

The Lannisters, dubious as they are, sent the Mountain (brother of Arya’s pseudo-gardian the Hound) to Dorne to kill Elia and her children out of revenge.

Now 17 years later, at the eve of Joffrey’s marriage to Maergery Tyrell, the Prince of Dorne is invited to heal the bad blood between the two houses over fancy food and lots of wine, but Prince Oberyn arrives instead with his own plan for being in King’s Landing.

Now that the history lesson is over, let’s catch up on my favorite character, Dany. She’s introduced to us this season petting her babies (dragons) like cats. When one of them drops a lamb carcass and she tries to calm them down, one of her babies – erm, the green one – is all “You can’t tell me what to do Mom!” and almosts kills her. Teenagers, am I right?

She’s preparing to liberate another slave city, Meereen, with her gigantic army of the Unsullied, when walking to her destination she sees the rulers have propped 163 slave girls on sticks acting as mile markers. Dany commands her army to give each of these girls a proper burial, their presence building up her rage as she prepares to enter the city.

If you were left scratching your head and Google-searching “Daario Naharis,” because you didn’t know if this was a new character we were suddenly supposed to feel acquainted to, you weren’t alone. It seems Daario went through a bit of a makeover and lost his long, blonde hair, chiseled face and blue eyes to end up as “Nashville’s” Michael Huisman. Apparently, the old Daario, played by Ed Skrein, had to leave the show to star as a young Jason Statham in an upcoming action movie. I’m not even kidding. Looking at the two, it makes sense, I guess, though I’m not really convinced on Daario’s new look. If you’re a true advocate for the book series, you’d be pissed Daario’s makeover didn’t give him the three-pronged goatee and blue hair he’s supposed to have, but that’s another strange story.

And since we’re already out of king’s landing, we might as well catch up with Arya Stark and the Hound, who are travelling to Arya’s rich aunt so the Hound can sell Arya back. He really DOES care …

On the way, Arya spots one of the Lannister men who stole her first sword, “Needle,” and killed her friend Lommy with it. Remember she has a death list, and this guy is definitely on it. Plus she really wants a horse and the duo end up inside some grimy dive bar where the guy makes a joke about Arya being the Hound’s piece of ass on the side. EW.

Then, through a hilarious amount of times the word “chicken” is used to get the point across that the Hound and Arya are not to be messed with, a bar fight ensues and Arya finally gets her chance to exact revenge. She retrieves “Needle” and slowly mimics the way the man killed Lommy by killing the man. She also comes out of the battle with her very own horse. She’s proving to be quite the little bad ass.

Her sister, Sansa, on the other hand is anything but. Though she is the only person still lamenting the death of her family, which seems more normal than anyone else’s reaction, Sansa has sunk into depression. Tyrion tries to cheer her up because she is his wife now, but this only angers his real lover, Sansa’s Handmaiden Shae. Meanwhile, Tywin continues to pressure Tyrion to impregnate his child-wife.

Sansa takes refuge in a sacred garden to pray because it’s the only place people don’t talk to her, but instead she’s chased by some drunk man, who ends up being Ser Dontos, a former knight who was saved by Sansa after Joffrey nearly killed him for no reason. Dontos gives Sansa a motherly token, a necklace which belonged to his mother, as a thank you present. For the first time, Sansa doesn’t feel so alone, though this feeling comes in the presence of strangers. 



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Author: Claudia Marina View all posts by
Journalism student at the University of Florida. Sally Draper is my spirit animal. I love writing about TV and how it affects culture. Occasionally I watch bad TV, but reviews make it better.

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